there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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