return my video game
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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