I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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