I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
