Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
