is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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