My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
