My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
