you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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