K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I am available for nakedness
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
