Who wears a wallet chain?!
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Hippo gnu deer
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
