Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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