I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
