We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize