He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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