look no pants
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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