Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
