I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize