New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
