Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
