My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
