there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Alive.
So much puke
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize