I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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