I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
