looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
