Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
