2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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