I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
