who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
