if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
