I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
