I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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