I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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