went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
