Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
