babies were throwing up all over the place
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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