One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
