I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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