Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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