The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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