I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize