Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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