Will you blow on my dice?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
