therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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