I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
