Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
this will be a night to untag.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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