We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
