guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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