She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize