If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
