Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize