drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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