we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
