my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
