whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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