halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
