Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
