But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
