i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
