OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
