i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
