at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
