Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
