My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
