chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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