never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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