Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
