Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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