i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
