Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
