well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
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