none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
