have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
