People in love make me want to vomit
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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