The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
