and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
