Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
