I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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