I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
