Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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