What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
