her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize