Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
