Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
