In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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