idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
