I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
