Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
