I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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