Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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