I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
