Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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