I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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