I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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