no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
NoShamevember. You game?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
