i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
