Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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