I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
