does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
